Bible Students

Some Thoughts on “Shrinking the Integrity Gap” by Mattson (chapters 3-6)

Many of our current emotions, especially those which are not naturally related to the current situation, may be connected to past trauma. Many people, including myself, may react to normal situations after losing a grip on the situation. The situation may mentally run amok and be tied back to past trauma. There may be ambivalence toward parents. There is a dichotomy between hate and love, fear and feeling protected by powerful parents. If a leader suppresses their past, and does not acknowledge what has happened to them, they will not be able to help their trauma-related fight and flight responses. 

Christians need to understand their own triggers. A trigger is an internal response to an external trigger, which leads to a strange reaction relative to the current situation. Often, this is a strong fear expressed in shutting down or fighting back. Trauma is stored in the emotional brain, and will result in seeing a safe situation as a dangerous situation. Trauma is the result of a fallen world. Without redeeming those experiences, trauma will stay around. 

The worst kinds of leaders are those who are not aware of how they react to others, and do not care to know how to deal with their own difficulties in order to help others well. Becoming more aware of one’s past and trauma will make a leader more integrated. Knowing what to pay attention to is needed. Most people have defenses against threats which are long gone. If leaders do not address those defenses, they will go off against those who are not trying to hurt them. Many times, a formal counselor is needed for situations like this. This is not shameful, but responsible for Christian leaders. 

Trauma will lead to a great amount of shame, especially when one acts out. Shame is a disgust with ourselves. This is different than guilt. Shame pushes away from God, but guilt pushes toward God. Guilt shows that a person is guilty and needs God, but shame is the feeling that one should be avoided by others and is gross. Shame can be used as a guidance, but should not be believed. Pushing people away who confess will damage both parties. Confession should not be responded to with further shame from outside parties. Forgiveness is not the same as trusting someone. It relates to not bringing up or holding against someone their sin. 

King Saul and David responded to God’s conviction very differently. Saul tried to keep the public’s eye on himself, rather than repenting and confessing his sins. David hid his sins, but when he was confronted he humbled himself before God. The consequences still came, through the death of David’s child, but God saw David’s repentance. The school of pain is a difficult school to go through. When someone attempts to hand over their defenses, they should not be attacked with them. Repentance does not get rid of the consequences of sin, but it does begin the process of renewing practically the sins. 

Trauma from one generation affects the next generation. People must not seek fulfillment from technology. Smartphone and videogame addictions are real addictions. Leaders must point out the bigger purpose of each individual person. We must give ourselves to others, not to internet addiction. Self preservation ends up coming out on top in most situations. This kind of self preservation usually translates to distancing one from a difficult situation. The distancing expresses itself in addictions. 

Most leaders have narcissistic traits. In fact, many people are this way, because of the sin nature. There is a big difference between being me-centered and being actually narcissistic. In order to know what a narcissistic leader is like, Christians must understand what a servant leader is. Narcissists will try to control the narrative at the cost of everything. They show no remorse. 

The way to move past shame is to see yourself in perspective to God’s grace. The narcissist is not able to do this because he can not first acknowledge his sin in order to acknowledge the great grace of God. Narcissists often groom the church because of the lack of emotional intelligence. Narcissistic leaders often move from community to community, finding places where the community forgives any story. The healthier the victim becomes, the less grip the narcissist is able to have over them. In order to protect the church, leaders must call out the wolves among the flock. Male dominated elder boards must consult women in the church in order to see what it is like to be a woman. Many narcissists are not able to ask themselves if they are narcissistic. Do you let people lead you? Do you acknowledge the works of others? Christian leaders must be servants, not narcissists.